Subject: substandard

Mood: substandard
Music: matchbox twenty's "Mad Season"

I could have been finished with classes right now. I probably should have started my paper earlier than I did, but it's not like I could change all that today. What I could have done was passed in the piece of crap I'd written before class, just three hours before it was due. But, on the way to school, I was thinking about my paper and realising how much it was missing. I knew it was junk. It wasn't worth his time to read, and it was too junky to even put my name on it. I asked him if I could email it to him later tonight or tomorrow. Then (stupid me), I turned over the print-out of my final and passed it to him, so he could write his email address on the back. I don't know why he flipped it over. So I had to tell him I was about to pass in substandard work.

Everything was substandard today, especially that which pertained to my work. I didn't feel like I connected to any of my clients today. I think I upset my "surrogate son", the NLD boy I consider to be my primary client. I said something that came off sounding so wrong, so that it sounded like I'm getting frustrated with him. He just looked so hurt, and there was no way to take it back. If I'd tried to explain myself, it would have just made matters worse.

Not a good day. Not a good week...

It's been a horrible year.

- dearjoan's shadow

[real me in...]