Subject: realed in

Mood: soured
Music: "The Man Who Sold The World", Nirvana's cover of the song

I was just thinking over the lyrics to the song "The Man Who Sold The World". It's amazing how tunes'll just smack you in the face that describes your moment, like somehow it knew better than you did. Often I think that if I could get an honest outsider, this whole mess could get figured out.

I saw an old friend today. Not that he's old, and not that we're not still friends. I'm saying we've become better and better friends since age 14. I hadn't seen him in a while, hadn't spoken with him either. But he had a few bombshells to drop. Things always change when he's around. You can sit around judging whether for good or for bad, but I'm merely stating a fact.

Usually, I just listen to what he has to say, but I've found that I'm becoming more directive in my old age. After he told me what's been going on, I told him what I think. Instead of operating on the autonomy level, I was thinking more along the lines of his own good. I've been too chicken in the past to do that, wondering if he's going to stop being my friend over it, or if I'm really saying the right thing. Now it's really sinking in that he's not going to dump me as a friend, and I said at one point what I stated was opinion, although I probably voiced it more like one of those fast disclaimers in the middle of an ad. I'm just sick of seeing him hurt, and I don't know why I've let it go on for so long without opening my big fat mouth.

We keep crossing paths, then racing along, each of us on our own crazily twisted travels.

- dearjoan's shadow

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"The Man Who Sold The World"
Written by David Bowie

We passed upon the stair, we spoke of was and when
Although I wasn't there, he said I was his friend
Which came as some surprise I spoke into his eyes
I thought you died alone, a long long time ago
Oh no, not me
I never lost control
You're face to face
With The Man Who Sold The World
I laughed and shook his hand, and made my way back home
I searched for form and land, for years and years I roamed
I gazed a gazley stare at all the millions here
We must have died along, a long long time ago
Who knows? not me
We never lost control
You're face to face
With the Man who Sold the World



[real me in...]